An Interrupting Author
by Seals Destroy
Summary: I like this story, so DEAL WITH IT BEING HERE AT FANFIC.NET! A very funny, random story that I posted earlier and foolishly took it off, so anyway, I like it so much, I am putting it up again and I'm also putting up Eilix, but that's a different story...
1. The Artemis Fowl Show

Disclaimer: I don't own any Artemis Fowl or Rurouni Kenshin Characters and the "commercial" for Horizon Wireless© is absolutely fake, so you cannot sue me.  
  
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The Author of this fic, Arrow, was sitting, watching television for no particular reason at 4:00 in the morning. Through her parent's and brother's screams to turn it down and go to bed, she realized that she was now watching "How ring worms are extracted from a dog's belly".  
  
"COOOOOL!!!!" she drooled, her eyes wide open and blank. But then it was interrupted by a commercial.  
  
A mermaid was on the screen, talking on a phone. "I need a lot of time to talk on the phone. Why? I have no idea. What is a phone anyway? Horizon Wireless will give you 3,000,078 hours, FREE OF CHARGE! Why would you need this? YOU DON'T!!! So, sign up with our plan, which is free of all catches! (*guy with really fast voice* There are actually 456 catches in the plan) Horizon Wireless: We Never Stop Working For Poo." The Author looked blankly at the screen as the Mermaid was suddenly harpooned and captured by Captain Ahab.  
  
"Mermaid!" Arrow said, goggling at the TV. The next commercial started with a little boy sitting in a chair, looking at the camera.  
  
"Are you staying up late for no reason, watching TV?" The boy said.  
  
"Yes, "The Author said, mesmerized.  
  
"Do you have a crush on Himura Kenshin?"  
  
"Yes," said the Author, squealing in delight.  
  
"Did you just squeal with delight?"  
  
"Yes!" The Author squealed again.  
  
"THEN YOU SHOULDN'T BE WATCHING THIS SHOW!!!! TURN THE CHANNEL TO MY TALK SHOW WHERE EXCITING STUFF HAPPENS!!! THE HIMURA KENSHIN INTERVIEW TONIGHT!!!!!! THE ARTEMIS FOWL SHOW!!!"  
  
"Sounds like a plan!" The Author yelled, causing her brother to come storming in with duck tape. "Hello Vincent! Want to watch TV with me?" The Author cried.  
  
"No," Vin said, wrapping ducked tape around her face and turning down the volume on the television before stumbling back down the hall to bed.  
  
"Hm-mhm mm." Arrow said, meaning, "Okay then" and turned back to the screen showing the Artemis Fowl Show. She gasped as Kenshin, the animated figure (Who is totally CUTE!!!! EEEEE!!!!!) from Rurouni Kenshin took a seat on a chair next to the host-boy.  
  
Arrow, The Author of this fic didn't wait for another word, she swept out the door, running, full speed to the TV station in New York City, Pennsylvania. (She lived in California... )  
  
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End of the Prologue. Hmm. That was obvious. Sorry Kelsey person, I.... Couldn't.... resist..... !!!! And yes, I am crazier than the average abnormal person, but I am also NOT, EMPHASIS ON NOT, a moron writing idiotic fics. If you noticed, there is actually, if you can believe it, a sentence structure that can compare to Jack London! HA!!! Okay, well, hopefully I'll kill Holly this time and not make Butler so weird and also torture Cayley. Be forewarned, I DO hate Holly. Reason: Only God knows. (And if there's no god... then..... I HAVE NO IDEA!!!!!) 


	2. The FELLOWSHIP!

Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl, Rurouni Kenshin characters and don't own Ms. "The Real Ami Potter"! OKAY??? BE HAPPY!!  
  
Okay, let's see here, Hiya Ami person! YOU OF ALL LUCKY PEOPLE GET TO BE IN MY FIC!!! I always do this sorta stuff for my reviewers!! Unless they want me to eat a lemon meringue pie. *shudders and heaves into the toilet that was conveniently there*  
  
Cayley: You are a big fat green/purple grape who should be placed in an ice rink all alone and de-shoed. BWAH HA HA HA!! TAKE THAT YOU STUPID TOMATO MONKEY!!! LET'S SEE YOU THAW YOUR FEET AFTER THAT!!!!!  
  
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Artemis smiled and tapped his fingers together. "The Author should be here any moment! I know she can't resist Himura!!!!"  
  
"Your right!" Arrow yelled right in his ear from behind him. Artemis jumped sky high and bashed into the ceiling. "That was so cool," she said, looking up at him as he yelled for Butler to get him down.  
  
Butler left the camera and instantly pulled him down from the ceiling. Arrow watched, but then went over to Kenshin and sat on the arm of the chair, leaning back on him and his cute self. But then, suddenly, The Author fell back onto the chair instead of Kenshin. "EEIK!! KENSHIN!!! KENSHIN!!! WHERE'S KENSHIN??" She looked around and caught a glimpse of light yellow clothing in the middle of the TV show crew, with Kenshin draped, limp over the person's shoulder.  
  
"You!" she screamed, realizing who she was, and sprinting after her. "GET BACK HERE AMI!!!!!" The Author roared. Arrow grabbed hold of Kenshin's hair, making him wake-up, yelling in annoyance. Ami laughed and ran faster. "NO YOU DON'T!!!!! NOT WHILE I'M AUTHOR!!!!"  
  
Arrow jumped forward and clamped onto Ami's feet, making her fall down. "GIVE ME KENSHIN!!!!" Arrow yelled, pulling on Kenshin's hair.  
  
"NEVER!!!!" Ami yelled and pulled on Kenshin's feet.  
  
"ORORORORORORORORO!!!!!" Kenshin said, being pulled by both sides of his body.  
  
But suddenly, the chunk of hair that Arrow was holding onto, came loose with a yell of pain from Kenshin.  
  
"OW!!!! ARROW-DONO!!!! OWIE!!!" Ami took the moment to get away and grabbed hold of Kenshin's feet and dragged him out the door in a flash. The Author sta, defeated with some of Kenshin's red hair in her hand.  
  
Arrow's lip trembled. Artemis came over to her and patted her on the shoulder in sympathy. All was quiet in the studio... and then.........  
  
"WHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" The Author wailed, forcing Artemis and everyone to evacuate the building.  
  
When the Author came out, her face puffy from crying, she looked at Artemis. "Artemis, we have a mission!" she said in determination.  
  
"Hmm. Wonder what the mission is going to be about.... " Artemis said sarcastically, looking at Butler.  
  
"WE MUST FIND KENSHIN AND ALSO A KFC FASTFOOD PLACE!!!" She bellowed, raising her fist. "ARE YOU WITH ME?????"  
  
"No." Artemis said.  
  
"Well your coming anyway." Arrow ordered. "LET US BE...... THE FELLOWSHIP OF HIMURA AND KFC!!!!"  
  
"Oh really? Like in Lord Of The Rings?" Butler questioned.  
  
"NO! Like in Star Trek, dum-dum!" Arrow roared, her clothes magically changing into warrior attire. "OF WE GO!!! FOLLOW THAT ROAD OF YELLOW BRICKS!!!!"  
  
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ ALRIGHT!!! THE FELLOWSHIP IS OFF!!!! GO ME! GO ME! Who else of my reviewers wants to be in my fic? Ami, what color's your hair? Or should I just make up a color? 


	3. Frozen Fishticks

Disclaimer: I, Arrow Becket, Do swear that I, Arrow Becket, Do not own Artemis Fowl characters or Rurouni Kenshin Characters, though, I, Arrow Becket, Do enjoy stealing them and forcing them to be in my stories.  
  
Have you ever read Becket anybody? It's a GOOD book!!!! Henry: The only man with any intelligence in this kingdom, IS AGAINST ME!!!! See? Told ja it was good! Hah, Henry? Henry: The only man with any intelligence in this kingdom, IS AGAINST ME!!!! Um. Yes. Okay. That's too true.....  
  
Riiiight,  
  
yeah, Mr. MORT man/ Coffe Luv, SURE YOU CAN BE IN THE FIC!!!!! I ALWAYS PUT PEOPLE WHO ASK IN THE FIC!!! Thank you for the review! Just hold on a while, k? Keep reminding me cause I have a short term memory....! Love the Mort thingy!! I'm sure Mort is a swell guy!!!  
  
Chibi: AHHH!!! My psychiatrist and NOW, MY REVIEWERS!?!??!?! Stop tell me this!!! ^-^ thanks for reviewing!  
  
Bizzie: er... sugar? Heh, yes.... (nervously) sugar..... I had sugarrrrr..... Thanks for de review!  
  
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"Um, Ami-Dono... Do you REALLY have to keep me locked in this cage?" Kenshin asked, peeping at Ami through the bars of the small bird cage. "And, the fact that it's a parakeet cage is cruel Ami-Dono."  
"Oh, pish-posh! Be a man Kenshin!!!" Ami said, looking at him with glee and watching TV at the same time.  
  
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"Arrow. Do you know how to use any weapons? We might need them on our journey." Butler said, preparing to hand her a gun if nothing else.  
  
"Hmmm. I take fencing classes, so I can use the sword and also.... I can use the---"  
  
"Oh, let me guess!" Said Holly, appearing beside her, "The bow and arrow."  
  
"Um. Well, the bow and fish sticks. I don't know what arrows are."  
  
Butler stared at her for a while before giving her a sword, a bow and a bag of frozen fish sticks. The Author smiled and opened the bag, bringing out a frozen fish stick to chew on.  
  
Butler stared at her for another moment before strapping a gun to his chest. "Let's go Artemis!" He hollered.  
  
"I want a bow and arrow! I am pretty good at it! I swear!" Artemis whined.  
  
"Fine, just get over here. We are going to travel now." Butler said.  
  
"Yeah, yeah." Artemis muttered, dragging along his big stuffed fish and a water bottle.  
  
AND SO THE FELLOWSHIP WAS OFF!!!!! PREPARED TO BATTLE EVEN THE MOST DEMONY OF DEMONS!!!!!! PREPARED TO WIN OVER THE SWAY OF EVILISH EVIL!!!!! PREPARED TO EAT EVEN THE MOST UNDERWEARY-TASTING FOODS!!!! PREPARED TO SAVE THE RED HAIRED SAMURAI WHICH ARROW THOUGHTLESSLY PLACED IN THE FIC!!!!  
  
"So, uh, Author. Who is the kidnapper?" Artemis asked, lazily chewing on a plant leave and rubbing his cold hands together.  
  
"She is the foulest of the fowls! She is one of my reviewers! She is the dreaded Ami Potter! It will not be a battle easily won. Her weakness is yet to be found." Arrow said in a deep, imposing voice. She suddenly made her clothes change into Robin Hood's clothes.  
  
"So, we are rescuing Kenshin from one of your reviewers?" Holly said.  
  
"Who said anything about reviewers?" Arrow asked, startled.  
  
"You just did!" Holly shouted at her.  
  
"What? I didn't say anything up till now!"  
  
"Yeah you did! Why are you faking it?"  
  
"What are you talking about Holly. I mean really... "  
  
"GAH!!!!" Holly yelled in annoyance.  
  
"We are near!!!" Butler yelled at everybody.  
  
The fellowship approached the cave where she heard screams and pleas for mercy echoing off it's walls. "Quiet, now." Arrow whispered. She walked into the mouth of the rock and shouted out: "DING DONG!!!! ANYONE HOME???"  
  
Ami jumped off of the couch and turned off the television which was showing a movie called the ring (which is so scary on the part where the girl is in the closet! MAN THAT'S SCARY!!! Cayley came over to my house and I talked her into seeing it with me, but I didn't know she was not a scary movie type person. But, um. Let's just say she WASN'T. And the part where the girl comes out of the television, I had to cover my eyes cause it was immensely scary. The part with the nail and the nail was really gross and that horse scared me a lot and also, just the part where they flash the girl running up the stairs after she's dead is REALLY scary! EEEIK!!! But I watched it like five times. (heh heh..))  
  
Anyway. WOW. That was a thrilling chapter. Hey, if you've seen The Ring, tell me what part was the scariest for you when you review the story! I dunno why but I just liked the mystery to the movie, I didn't understand how they didn't die until like several months afterward...... 


	4. SHRRRIIIMMMPPPP!

Disclaimer: I (ack) do not (gah!) the charac (Eck!) ters in Artemis (Agh!) Fowl or Ru (Kack!) rouni Kenshin. (Ack!) Kelsey (Cah!) please stop (Eck!) Strangling me!  
  
Whew. Okay, sorry Kelsey for upsetting you! I really mean my reviewers no harm. *whacks Cayley with a turtle* But if you are going to read fics like these, be prepared for the worst and always bring your teddy bear in case there is something so disrupting from your daily schedule, and you need someone to hug. My teddy bear is a polar bear. And he is named Polar Bear. He has always been named that. Nothing else. What a creative person I am, eh? No actually, I am the most outrageous and artistic person you will find within a twenty Kilometers from here. Isn't that nice? Yes, t'is! I also like Shakespeare so DON'T MAKE FUN OF ME!!! MAKE FUN OF CAYLEY!!!  
  
Now, uh where were we?? Let's see.... Oh yeah, the Ring thing. HEY THAT RHYMES!!!!! Can you believe how Rhymes is spelled???? I hate the word, but I can spell it correctly usually. Speaking of spelling, in first grade I was excellent at spelling and I could spell the huge word: kaleidoscope. And when I bragged to the teacher, she asked me if I could spell the words we were currently studying like animal. And I couldn't so that shut me up. And then another time in first grade, I was VIP of the week (I had waited a frickin long time too!!!!) and so we were doing this project where we were putting the first letter of our name on construction paper, so since I was VIP, I got to choose first and I saw no color that I really liked when my teacher held all the paper up, so I just chose one randomly. It was an ugly light green, but I said something that I forget that the teacher took to be as a rude statement and so she made me wait till last. I was really put out by that one.  
  
Um, so where were we? Oh yeah, forget all that useless information about my life that you just read and let's get on with the story.  
  
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Arrow looked around the cave for Kenshin and sure enough, he was crammed into a small little birdie cage, captive behind the refrigerator. "HA!" The Author yelled at Ami. "I have found your hideout! Surrender or DIE!!!"  
  
Ami and Arrow stood there looking at each other for a while, but then Ami shrugged. "Whatever. You can take him." Arrow grinned happily and turned to the cage.  
  
"Miss Arrow! I am pleased to see you!" Kenshin said through the bars.  
  
"Shut your trap Kenshin!" Arrow said. Ami smirked and laughed evilly. Arrow whipped around to stare at her. "What are you laughing evilly about?" She asked.  
  
"Nothing," Ami piped, her smile still curling on her lips in a cruel manner.  
  
"Why do you have a smile with a cruel manner on your face then?" The Author asked quizzically, raising her eyebrows and holding her sword tightly.  
  
"Um. I... thought... of... a funny joke...!" Ami said cheerfully, lying.  
  
"Oh, well tell it to us then!" Artemis said, looking up anxiously at her blue eyes.  
  
"Well, once there was this farmer, and he was wearing a belt, right? So he strolls into this bar an says to the bartender: "Got any E-strudels?" And the bartender says: "This is a bar nimrod!" And the man is like: "Well what if I say this is a bakery?" Then the bartender says: "Get the heck out of here ya git!" And the man says: "Fine." And he walks out." Ami stopped, laughing hesitantly.  
  
The Author looked at Ami in a blank stare. "That.... Was the most... FUNNY JOKE EVER!!!! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!" The Author bent over and laughed hysterically, tears falling from her eyes.  
  
Holly shielded Artemis's eyes with her hand. "Artemis," she said, "I don't want you to see our Author like this."  
  
Arrow suddenly stopped and looked seriously at Kenshin. "K, Kenshin. I'm a-comin now." She walked toward the cage that was placed behind the fridge. Ami grinned darkly, but kept it to herself this time. Then she took out a remote control and pressed a button on it. The doors to the fridge opened slowly into Arrow's view.  
  
"Ah!" Arrow said, shielding her eyes from the light of the sacred fridge. But then she forgot everything he had come for. She looked in awe at what was inside the fridge: Shrimp. "Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow." She said in a daze, then moved toward it, stuffing in all in her mouth. Artemis, Holly and Butler came over to her.  
  
"Um. Author? Author? Hello? Can you stop eating shrimp? HELLO?" Holly said, slapping The Author across the face several times in vain. Butler backed up with a frown on his big face.  
  
"I'm sorry to do this, but.... "He looked to Holly and Artemis, "Holly. Artemis. Fire in the hole."  
  
Holly looked at him in astonishment for a moment, but realized with a jolt what he was going to do as he lifted a bazooka to his shoulder. "CRAP!!! ARTEMIS!!! GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She screamed and dived for cover.  
  
Click. KA---- PPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Was that cool, or was that cool?)  
  
Holly stood up after the explosion and raced to find the Author, smoldering in the rubble. "AUTHOR!!! AUTHOR!!! ARE YOU OKAY!??!?! WHERE DOES IT HURT!???!!??!?!"  
  
The Author looked at her, stunned and then to the charcoal-fridge in front of her, devoid of shrimp now. "Why?" She asked quietly, "why? Why Holly? WHY??? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE SHRIMP!?!??!?!? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BLOW UP THE SHRIMP!?!?!?! OF ALL THINGS!!!!!!! WHY THE SHRIMP, DAMMIT?!?!?!? TAKE ME, BUT NOT THE SHRIMP!!!!!!!" She screamed in fury and had a tantrum. "I WANT SHRIMP!!!! I LOVE SHRIMP!!!"  
  
Artemis went over and unlocked the cage in which Kenshin was being held. He heaved a huge sigh as he looked at the wreckage and stretched.  
  
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KENSHIN WAS FREE!!! OH YEAH!! OH YEAH!!!! WHO'S GOOD!?!?!? SHRIMP!!!! SHRIMP!!! Okay, salut pour maintennant!!!!!!! SHRIMPY DIMPY KIMPY!!!! GO SHRIMP!!! GO SHRIMP!!! 


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